Ok, I am the first to admit that I am not a fan of McDonald’s anything. Having worked at one as a teenager and knowing what goes on behind the counter, I am disinclined as an adult to visit one. Much less eat there. But between a McRib throwdown at the BBQ Brethren and all the hype lately, I figured it was time to see what I could do to make one at home.
I started by doing some research on the McRib ingredients. Here for your viewing pleasure is the McFrankensteinian ingredient list:
McRib Pork Patty
Pork, water, salt, dextrose, BHA and BHT and propyl gallate and citric acid (preservatives).
Enriched flour (bleached wheat flour, malted barley flour, niacin, reduced iron, thiamin mononitrate, riboflavin, folic acid), water, yeast, high fructose corn syrup, contains 2% or less of the following: salt, corn meal, wheat gluten, soybean oil, partially hydrogenated soybean and/or cottonseed oils, dextrose, sugar, malted barley flour, cultured wheat flour, calcium sulfate, ammonium sulfate, soy flour, dough conditioners (sodium stearoyl lactylate, datem, ascorbic acid, azodicarbonamide, mono- and diglycerides, ethoxylated mono- and diglycerides, monocalcium phosphate, enzymes, guar gum, calcium peroxide), calcium propionate (preservative), soy lecithin.
CONTAINS: WHEAT AND SOY
Water, high fructose corn syrup, tomato paste, distilled vinegar, molasses, natural smoke flavor (plant source), food starch-modified, salt, sugar, spices, soybean oil, xanthan gum, onion powder, garlic powder, chili pepper, sodium benzoate (preservative), caramel color, beet powder.
Cucumbers, water, distilled vinegar, salt, calcium chloride, alum, potassium sorbate (preservative), natural flavors (plant source), polysorbate 80, extractives of turmeric (color).
Starting at the top of the list, the pork product looks surprisingly like another boneless pork product you might be familiar with.
One problem here, it doesn’t look a whole lot like a McRib as it comes out of the can.
A little whittling, and that problem was soon rectified. And for the record, the dog ate the scraps leftover from the carving process. And yes, this is the same dog that refused to eat the faux burger from the first CrockaQue cook.
In order to do justice to this, I felt it necessary to put the CrockaQue to use again. After all, what better way to follow up the Crock Lobster than with a McSpam sandwich?
The eeriest part of this whole cook was the resemblance of the cooked Spam sans sauce to a deconstruction picture of a real McRib. In order to keep from being creeped out by this, I forged ahead and sauced up the McSpam with some watered-down Sweet Baby Rays. Which has a very similar ingredient list to the McRib sauce. You didn’t think I would waste any No Butz sauce on this did you?
The bun choice was obvious, and standard sesame seed hamburger buns were pressed into an oblong shape and toasted up on the CrockaQue. I’m pretty sure the neighbors didn’t see any of this going on…
Pickles and onions were easy, and the sandwiches came together quickly. And just so you don’t have to scroll back up to the top of the page to see the McSpam in all its glory, here’s another shot of it now.
The scariest part of this whole adventure is that the McSpam was surprisingly tasty. And the kids ate it without complaining. Maybe that’s because I didn’t tell them what it was before they ate it…